


Coward

by kbbi



Series: Everything You've Said [1]
Category: Monsta X (Band)
Genre: Alcohol, Alternate Universe - College/University, Angst, Angst and Feels, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Angst with a Happy Ending, Anxiety, Awkward Conversations, Awkward Flirting, Bittersweet, Break Up, Coffee, Coffee Shops, Crying, Emotional, Emotional Baggage, Emotional Hurt, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Emotional pain, Emotions, Feelings, Feels, Flirting, Gentleman Yoo Kihyun, Gentleness, Getting Back Together, Getting Together, Happy Ending, Heartache, Heartbreak, Heartbreaking, Heavy Angst, Hurt, Hurt No Comfort, Insecurity, Kijoo, Living Together, M/M, Men Crying, Mental Anguish, Mentioned Im Changkyun | I.M, Mentioned Lee Minhyuk, Mentioned Son Hyunwoo | Shownu, Minor Chae Hyungwon/Shin Hoseok | Wonho, Moving On, Moving Out, Nervousness, Non-Idol, Non-Idol AU, Party, Partying, Romance, Sad, Swearing, Tears, Time Skips, Whump, joohyun - Freeform, jooki, kiheon
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-13
Updated: 2019-03-08
Packaged: 2019-10-09 08:24:06
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 10,891
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17403461
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kbbi/pseuds/kbbi
Summary: Yoo Kihyun is perfect and Lee Jooheon loves him more than anything on this entire planet.He just wishes that he actually deserved him.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote this primarily on my phone. The prompt was:  
> \- _things you said that i wish you hadn't_

There are no words to describe the amount of adoration that's currently bubbling up from the pit of his stomach. There's just no way to explain how much love he feels for Yoo Kihyun. Sure, if he was more clever, more brilliant, then alright. He _might_ have a chance at it. Only problem is the fact that he’s not very smooth nor very bright. In comparison to Kihyun, he's pretty much nothing. Or as Minhyuk might tease, a _peasant_. It's not a joke or a self loathing jab; it's just the truth and Jooheon is okay with that. Yoo Kihyun is out of his league and an absolute blessing on this planet. He knows this, their friends know this, and anyone they've ever revealed their relationship to knows this. He somehow stole the heart of an angel and he definitely didn't deserve it. So yeah, saying he loves the man is a complete understatement. And as long as Kihyun wants him, there's not a thing that could possibly keep them apart.

At least, that's what he'd initially thought. 

Sitting across from the man now, there's this weird alarm ringing in the back of his mind. It's odd because he should feel content and not... Not _nervous_. There isn't anything out of the ordinary going on and it's not like they haven't frequented this shop for years. It's their place, the spot they'd go for quick dates and study sessions when exams started cropping up and stress starts to eat them alive. It's their place and he loves the easy going feeling that they always find here when they’re sitting across from each other like this. It's just different this time. He can’t put his finger on _why_ but something feels weird. If he thinks about it, it might be the uncomfortable silence that has settled between them. It’s a bit unusual but it’s not completely random. It does however make the atmosphere around them stiffen with tension. Or that could just be the way his anxiety is starting to climb? Jooheon isn’t sure and when he looks at Kihyun, nothing seems unnatural. Other than the fact that Kihyun is looking at his phone but he’s not _doing_ anything. Usually the man would have put it away and… And suddenly he doesn't feel so good. 

It’s that sick feeling in his gut that has him analyzing the situation harder and focusing more on the little details he always skips over. Their friends tease him all the time for being so dense but something in him is telling him that this is a big thing. He must be missing something important judging by the way Kihyun _still_ hasn’t said anything. So what is it? What isn’t he seeing? He scans his lover’s body, takes in the way the man is sitting to how his hair is styled and how there’s multiple rings decorating his fingers but nothing seems out of the ordinary. Is it the man’s shirt? Did he forget to turn the oven off? Does he have a papercu- _oh_.

Where did Kihyun’s drink go? 

Now that he’s looking at the man’s hands and the space between them, he’s finally noticed that his boyfriend didn't order a drink for himself. In fact, Kihyun hasn't done anything from his usual routine like asking him how his day went or greeting him with a pet name. The older man has just been sitting there watching him show off his heart on his sleeve instead and that in itself is weird too because Kihyun _never_ lets him look at him with dopey smiles or heart eyes. He's always been quick to tease him about how openly affectionate and loving he is. Since he’s fairly conservative when it comes to physical affection or just affection in general, he’d have expected the man to shout at him to stop staring so much. He’s not been scolded once since they met up at the shop and that in itself is pretty strange too. That little fact tells him that something is definitely wrong.

And the alarm located at the back of his mind? It's a full blown siren now.

His anxiety must show because Kihyun is now offering him a small smile that is anything but comforting. It's a forced grin, one done of out politeness versus outright care and it just makes him feel worse. He feels like he's forgotten something important. It's not their anniversary because he would never forget that. It'll be a month before they've been together for two years so it for sure isn’t that. And it's not his lover's birthday either because Jooheon has his present wrapped and hidden somewhere Kihyun would never look. So what did he do? Did he say something hurtful? Is that why his lover has shut himself off from him? Or was there something wrong with Kihyun? Was he sick?

"Kihyun-ah," Jooheon started softly, voice weary. "Is everything alright, hyung? Are you okay? Should we go home?" His thoughts are all over the place in the deep end of his mind as he asks question after question. He doesn't like what he's thinking but Kihyun isn’t answering and that makes it worse. He shifts forward in his seat, antsy and distressed all at once because it’s gotta be bad for Kihyun to be so silent. It's gotta be one of the worst things imaginable at this point and he's not ready for that. He opens his mouth to ask but Kihyun's sitting up straighter and talking and suddenly Jooheon wishes he wasn't. He wishes that more than anything now that the reason Kihyun had been so unresponsive was because he'd forgotten the man's birthday. He wishes and wishes and _wishes_ but all he gets is reality instead. He gets six words that seem to drag his heart right out of his chest:

"I think we should break up." 

It’s simple. It's clean. It's _effective_ in how it batters down all his worries and all his emotions to the point that all he feels is numb. He's so stunned by the statement that he can't even find a response. He can't even ask _why_ because it catches him off guard so bad. That isn't even what hurts the most. He's practically floundering in his seat, lips parted, and eyes wide and Kihyun... Kihyun is looking at him with a polite and patient expression as if he's dealing with a stranger-as if he never held him at 3 AM and told Jooheon that he was the best thing to ever come stumbling into his life. Like Jooheon wasn't someone special enough to remember that they've been living together intimately for months now. 

That numbness seems to amplify further inside of him and he can't do more than sit back in his seat, eyes dropping to the americano sitting in front of him. There's a disheartening silence growing between them and Jooheon knows he should break it. He should have a response to those six words but he can't find it in himself speak right now. He doesn't think he even remembers how now. Kihyun saves him from struggling anyway. He saves him like he always does but, for once, Jooheon wishes that he’d left him to drown instead.

"I accepted the offer to study abroad. I'll be gone for six months, maybe a year depending on how well I do.” The older man starts with a slight sigh. “Jooheon, I'm not going to ask you to wait." He continues, voice gentling just slightly towards the end. It's a mistake because now Jooheon has hope. He sees this small thread that he can follow towards a solution and he’s grasping onto that tiny line like his life depends on it. His eyes brighten, his lips curve, and whatever anxiety he felt earlier is gone because clearly his lover had a lapse in intelligence. It’s rare but it happens and it’s okay. It’s something he’s going to tease him about when they're on their way back home _after_ they pick up some chicken and cake to celebrate.

His smile seems to widen even more because he knows how bad Kihyun wanted to go. He'd tried encouraging him to apply and take the offer for months. He’d picked up a sword and battled his lover’s stubbornness with his own until he’d realized how foolish it would be to miss out on such a great opportunity. Knowing that his boyfriend is finally going to do it makes him inexplicably happy and it shows. It shows so much that his cheeks are starting to hurt and his dimples have made the biggest appearance yet in their career. They’re the star of the show now as he speaks in a voice that rivals pure sunshine.

"Hyung, don't be an idiot! I'd wait for you for-" **"I don't want you to wait for me."**

Kihyun interjects before he can finish. Kihyun slices his hope in half. Kihyun destroys what little happiness he'd dug up with the finality of his interruption. 

_I don’t want you to wait for me._

The words ring in his ears and his lovestruck smile starts to falter. It droops at the corners and his dimples start to fade away as his eyes begin to burn. He's staring at the other man now. Staring at him as if looking for a hint that what Kihyun said was a lie. That the man didn't mean any of it and that he was just scared about the distance. He already has rebuttals under his belt to assuage any worries because it’s not the first time they’ve argued about Kihyun going abroad. He’s ready to fight but Kihyun isn’t giving him a chance. As he looks at his boyfriend now, Jooheon can only see a gentle finality and his heart aches. The look on his lover’s face tells him everything he needs to know; there isn’t getting out of this discussion and there isn’t anyway he can persuade his lover to listen. 

Jooheon drops his gaze immediately and submits to those previous six words. He may not be a genius but he’s realistic; he knows Kihyun and the man has clearly thought this through. There won’t be any success if he tries to argue but the other must think he's going to because soon he's launching into a practiced speech that Jooheon really doesn’t want to listen to. He doesn't want to hear all the reasons it- _they_ -wouldn't work. Not when he's already thought about them before. So how could he possibly change this? You can't fight logic. You can't fight _facts_. But he's nothing if not a hopeless optimist who keeps relying on the potential ' _what ifs_.' What if they did work? What if he goes with Kihyun? What if he just waits? Six months isn’t that long-he could easily fill six months worth of time until his boyfriend comes back. He could get another job even. Maybe if he makes enough then he can frequently visit Kihyun while he’s abroad? 

His optimism has him walking that thin line of reality and fantasy but it doesn’t last long. Whatever diatribe his boyfriend was on must have ended because Kihyun's calling his name firmly. He falls back down to earth at the way he says it and lets the impact reel him back into focusing. He blinks once or twice and the man’s elbow slowly fades back into view. With new clarity and awareness, Jooheon knows he needs to at least attempt to respond. In all reality, he should have said something at least two minutes ago. Or five minutes ago when the man interrupted him. 

Kihyun calls his name again.

He wonders briefly if he's imagining the sadness in his tone. 

The six words come back with a vengeance and Jooheon reminds himself that it doesn’t matter anymore. 

"Come on, Jooheon. Talk to me." The words spoken now are gentler. Desperate almost. His heart starts to hurt more with the fact that Kihyun is still so sweet even after all of this. He feels sick all over again. Bile starts to rise from the pit of his stomach and it burns on it's way up. He feels worse with each word and it's only the lump forming in his throat that keeps him from losing all the contents of his stomach. The only thing he can think about is just how _wrong_ he feels. He’s trapped in his head and talking is the furthest thing from his mind. But there should have been some kind of verbal response or hum to show that he was still present. That he was acknowledging what the man was saying even if he disagrees. If he couldn't have argued then the least he could have done was force a dimpled smile and a nod. Anything to prove that he’s paying attention even when he clearly isn’t. 

He tries to do that now, tries to lift his head slightly but one look in Kihyun's direction has his thoughts spinning. So he leans forward and looks down at his coffee as if it will speak for him instead. The lump in his throat gets harder and his eyes burn from how hard he’s holding back tears. He makes no attempt to do anything else and let's the silence stretch even longer between them. It doesn’t matter because Kihyun cuts into it all over again by reaching for him. A warm hand settles over his own, and with it, reality starts to sink in again. They're breaking up. 

They're breaking up and this is the end of the best arc of his life. A part of him wants to cry and scream. He wants to throw a tantrum and release all the hurt that seems to be welling up inside of him. He wants to shout until his voice is hoarse and he can never speak again because clearly he doesn't deserve the ability. If he can't even reply, then what good is he? What did Kihyun even see in him? Why did he think they could possibly keep this up? Why did _he_ think they could do this? Why did he think he might be enough for once?

His thoughts swarm him with jagged barbs and Jooheon lets his insecurities drift him away. He has so many questions but all of them are bitter and hurtful. None of them are directed towards Kihyun so he doesn't say anything. He just sits there across from Kihyun with a rapidly cooling cup of coffee and shuts down. He knows the older man is expecting a response that he doesn't have. He also knows that there was probably so much more that Kihyun was expecting from him. He knows he’s disappointed the man before but he’d hoped… He’d hoped he could stop history from repeating itself. He’d hoped that they would have at least made it to their anniversary. 

He tells himself that he needs to stop hoping for more than he deserves. 

He lets time pass by in silence in the meantime. He lets his thoughts overrun him like nature takes over an abandoned building. His walls crumble down with his composure and the only thing keeping him tethered to reality is the hand still resting over his own. He wishes it wasn’t there. He wishes Kihyun would just get up and leave. It’d make it so much easier if the man did because then he could have a reason to hate him. He could come up with some way to misguide his anger away from himself and onto the other man instead. But Kihyun curls his fingers around his hand and squeezes once- _twice_ -and then remains. A tear slips free without him being aware of it and soon there’s more. He leans back, covers his eyes with his forearm to hide the way his cheeks are glistening with tear tracks and fails. He fails like he has during so many parts of this conversation. He fails and he breaks and he _burns_ like a match in a field of dry grass. 

Kihyun keeps holding his hand until he’s finished crying. He keeps holding his hand even after he calls Minhyuk to come pick him up. He holds his hand even when Minhyuk walks into the cafe with a mix of both anger and heartbreak on his face. 

Kihyun lets go of his hand two minutes later. 

He lets go of his hand and Jooheon wishes he didn’t immediately miss the warmth he took when he did.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I didn't anticipate writing another chapter but I was really happy by the comments that were left behind and it inspired me to write more. I'm not sure if I'll write more or not but I hope you enjoy this nonetheless!

It's been 329 hours since Jooheon last spoke to Kihyun in person. They've texted in between, making plans for the older man to grab his things when Jooheon isn't home but that's been about it. There were a few times where Kihyun had tried to ask him how he was doing but he'd only sent an emoji and a quick little ' _I'm fine, hyung_ ' with it. He stopped asking after realizing that the answer wasn't going to change. Now their texts are just about how sorry Kihyun is about the mess that is- _was_ -their apartment and how he promises to clean it all up when he gets the last box. 

Jooheon hasn't had the heart to tell the older man that he hasn't been home since they broke up. He just says it’s ‘ _fine_ ’ and adds _two_ emojis instead of one. As if two somehow helps him look more put together and happy. It's not like he can tell the truth. He knows how pathetic he would sound if he told Kihyun that he wasn't ready to go home because going home would be the final nail in the coffin of his heart and he's not ready to acknowledge that yet. So he doesn't tell him the truth. He doesn't tell _anyone_ the truth because he really doesn’t want to deal with their pitying smiles. He just wants to make this easier for both of them. And that means lying to himself and acting all the world like he's on some weird vacation from reality.

No one will really fault him for his selfishness. He’s really only trying to protect himself and it’s okay to hide sometimes. Minhyuk keeps telling him it’s alright that he’s not ready to talk about any of it yet. He tells him its okay if he wants to keep sleeping on the couch. He doesn’t tell Minhyuk that it's really not okay or that he's just waiting for Kihyun to tell him he was wrong and that he misses him. How he regrets breaking up with him and moving out and that, when he gets back, he wants to talk about continuing their relationship. He's smart enough to know how stupid that would be. Kihyun deserved way better and he… He's just thankful that Minhyuk is putting up with him.

Actually, his best friend has been an absolute blessing through this whole ordeal. The chipper man has been nothing but a soothing balm the entire time. He’s held him each time he’s cried and Minhyuk has stuffed his face with foods way too sweet and fattening to be anywhere near considered healthy. The obvious care and affection does help in filling the gaping hole in his chest a little bit. Really, his best friend is the best and Jooheon’s beginning to wonder if he knows just how much he appreciates him. Because Minhyuk hasn’t even said anything about him staying over so frequently either. Since he’s avoiding his apartment then that really only leaves his workplace and here. The only time he's not at Minhyuk's is from the time he goes to work to the time he gets off. That's it. He hasn't been anywhere but those two places.

Honestly, Jooheon doesn't know where else he'd go if Minhyuk kicked him out. So he’s pretty thankful that the man hasn’t even hinted to it yet. And it’s not like he hasn’t debated crashing at anyone else’s place either. He’s thought about how he’d probably go to Gunhee’s even though it's so far away, or even Jackson's if not for the constant partying. He'd even thought about going to Changkyun's if he had to. Only problem is the fact that he then runs the risk of bumping into Kihyun and he really can't face him. He just needs a few more days-maybe even a few _months_ -because it's not like he can avoid Kihyun forever. Not when they're throwing a going away party for the man in two weeks. 

A party he told himself that he wasn't going to go to and surprised himself by actually not going. Sure, he’d already told Hyungwon & Hoseok that he’s gotta work that day, which is a blatant lie. And yeah, Minhyuk had backed up his decision to stay away from both his lovable ex and the plethora of alcohol that was no doubt going to be there. They both know him going isn’t a smart idea. They both know he’d say something to Kihyun and then he’d be right back to where he was a month ago; lonely and watching k-dramas with the saddest endings just so he has an excuse to cry. It’s a miracle that he doesn’t give into his desire to see Kihyun just _one last time_. If he just lays on the couch all night while Minhyuk is at the party, well… No one is there to judge him. No one is there to see him act like he's sobbing over a k-drama when he has no idea what's even going on in it. It's just him, a few tissues, and a good show.

He’s okay. No, really, he is. He's doing so much better. 

That being said, he doesn’t actually mean it. 

The party comes and goes and it's been a week since Kihyun left before he finally goes back to the apartment. It's a mistake but he handles it fairly well. He only cries after finding a few of Kihyun's sweaters still in the closet and a shirt in his laundry basket. Considering the fact that his last memory of this place was when Kihyun’s stuff used to be all over the place, well… He’s doing pretty good with the break up. So good in fact that he gets two cats to fill the emptiness of the flat and moves on with his life unsuccessfully. 

He keeps the sweaters even after Minhyuk tells him to throw them away. 

He moves in with Changkyun

He decides that Changkyun is the worst flatmate he's ever had after three weeks.

He lets Changkyun talk him into bleaching his hair.

He lets Minhyuk talk him into dying it orange.

He struggles.

He tries to play Overwatch with Minhyuk & Changkyun. 

He finds that he's terrible at it and stops.

He learns and he grows.

Most importantly, he gets over Kihyun and that warmth he’s been missing finally starts to return to him.

He’s okay. 

He really means it this time.

And now seven months later finds Jooheon sipping on a cup full of way too much ice and not enough soda while watching Changkyun awkwardly flirt with some dude he’s never met. It’s weird watching his roommate bat his lashes but it isn’t anywhere near as odd as watching a wasted Hyungwon grinding on a very sober and very smug Hoseok. The man is trying to turn himself into a pretzel to show how flexible he is and Jooheon is starting to really regret coming. He's only there because Changkyun and Minhyuk both begged him to go and Jooheon doesn't even know where the latter disappeared off to. He knows he could leave at any minute but he owes Minhyuk and Changkyun would whine for ages if he found out he left early so… He's here. He’s not drunk and he’s not interested in going home with anyone. And that's that.

Actually, he doesn't even know what this party is for. Neither of his friends told him but he’s not surprised. Both of them are going through a dry spell and it isn’t like they invited him here to actually have fun. He was pulled along to play wingman for when they try to score and that’s okay. He can be a wallflower and just wait until he’s needed or until someone comes to talk to him. He'll pretend he's busy on his phone until that happens. 

That seems to come an hour later when Changkyun sidles up to him to whine in his ear. It appears that his flirting didn't entice a companion for the evening and Jooheon isn't all that surprised. He'd have run for cover as soon as Changkyun started talking about dark literature and his anguished love for Edgar Allan Poe. While talking about books and philosophy is fun, a party just isn't the right place to get a brain boner. He's tried telling the man that on multiple occasions but it always ends with him flopping dramatically against the couch, an arm over his forehead, and some damsel in distress voice whining about the ‘ _injustice that is known as the modern era._ ’ He loves Changkyun, really really loves him, but the boy needs help and clearly Jooheon is the only one that can do it at the moment. So he downs the last dredges of his soda, grimaces at the way the carbonation burns, and grabs the man's hand to tug him back onto the battlefield better known as the ‘hookup zone.’ 

It's not until he and Changkyun are talking it up with a group of what appear to be Hyungwon's model friends that he realizes that he feels better. Better than he has in a really long time and if one of the guys starts flirting, well… Jooheon deserves to get attention once in awhile. And if he chats the guy up, leans into his space and starts flirting back then there isn't anything wrong with it. Nothing wrong at all with the way the guy is leaning in to speak in his ear, nothing wrong at all with the way his hand settles on his hip or trails lower and lower and-

“I’m going to borrow him for a moment.” 

A voice cuts through the haze of his enjoyment like the blade on a guillotine. He looks over at the owner of it just as he feels a hand grab hold of his wrist and _tug_ him free from the way the model is wrapped around him like an octopus. He has to admit that the move is a quick and effective way to chop his composure in half. It leaves him off kilter for a moment, lips forming around a question that he doesn't get to ask because he's finally seeing the face that belongs to that hand. He finally sees Yoo Kihyun and everything he might have ever said dies right on the tip of his tongue. The model doesn't get a chance to fight for his attention as he's pulled further and further away. Part of him is glad about that while the other part of him is slowly beginning to panic. 

Of course, the steady progression takes a sudden uptick once the situation fully settles in. No longer is he somewhat anxious but now full blown terrified. Out of all the ways to have expected his night to go, seeing Yoo Kihyun in the flesh was not one of them. Why? 

_Because no one even told him that the man was back._

If someone, say Minhyuk or Changkyun, had warned him then he could've been better prepared to handle this. He could've put up a few walls, made himself look prettier, and maybe he could have just stayed home with his cats. Cats that _clearly_ love him more than his best friends. They would have warned him that Kihyun was back. They would have given him time to mentally prepare himself to see the most gorgeous man in the world, but they didn't. They didn't and now Jooheon is struggling because all he can think about is the warmth from his ex's hand as he's tugged along. Or the way that Kihyun's fingers are settled against his pulse and can likely feel the way it's pounding in his veins. He should be embarrassed about that. He should be embarrassed by a lot of stuff but all he can think about is the way those fingers feels. How they're familiar and yet alien at the same time. There's calluses now that weren't there when he last held Kihyun's hand and he wants to analyze them. He wants to commit the rough bumps to his memory and he wants to feel them on his bare skin. It's an idea he shouldn't be entertaining but here he is. Falling right back onto his bullshit by getting emotional over Yoo Kihyun. 

Fuck. 

What is he even thinking? He knows the answer to that question but he refuses to acknowledge it. He's not ready for the cold reminder that is going to find him once the other man stops dragging him throughout the house. He doesn't know where they're going-hopefully not outside because his sweater won’t keep him warm and he really doesn't want to be anywhere chilly. He puts all his faith into Kihyun, prays that the man takes him somewhere that isn’t freezing, and just lets his feet carry him down the warpath the shorter man has created. 

People keep trying to stop the older man every time he passes and, Kihyun being the polite person he is, entertains their drunken slurring. This is expected and Jooheon doesn’t really mind because it’s prolonging the inevitable discussion they’re clearly going to have. What _is_ unexpected is the fact that his ex doesn’t let go of his hand _at all_. The man’s grip squeezes on his wrist each time someone comes up to talk to Kihyun, almost as if the man is silently demanding that he not run away. Not that he would (he really would because his anxiety is through the roof right now and Kihyun looks amazing and he can’t stop thinking about their relationship and how much they meant to each other and he wants nothing more than to kiss Kihyun and tell him that he still loves him). He’s an adult. He doesn’t run away from things.

This means that he lets himself get dragged around and stopped every few minutes until Kihyun has finally had enough. It’s Hyunwoo that seems to be the other’s breaking point which is really sad because the big softy totally didn’t deserve the clipped tone and brush off. But Hyunwoo bumbles up, eyes narrowed with the vibrancy of his smile and a happiness that is so contagious that Jooheon doesn’t feel so nervous anymore. He comes up, reaches out to place both hands on their shoulders and leans in as if he’s going to hug them both. It doesn’t end well at all. 

“Hyunwoo, if you don’t let us go in the next ten seconds then I will personally go to your house and hide your glasses so that you can never have an excuse not to leave your house ever again. I will never let you eat any of the food I cook. I will stop cleaning the flat.” Comes the first string of threats, causing Jooheon to wince and Hyunwoo to blink in confusion. He opens his mouth to say something but Kihyun drops his grip on his wrist to hold his hand and yeah. He forgot how to breathe for a moment because _what the fuck_. What is the man thinking? Why does he even want to talk to him? Why is he letting him drag him around like this? He has no answers to these questions just like Hyunwoo has no response to the threats that keep spilling out of Kihyun’s mouth. Especially as the man goes in for that killing shot.

“I will do _everything_ in my power to make your life miserable if you don't let us go. _Do you understand?_ ” Kihyun asks with absolute finality. It’s a pointed question and it’s clear that somehow, during his time abroad, his ex has gone insane. He doesn’t have the time to think about that or even address it as Kihyun is already sliding Hyunwoo’s grip off of both of them. Hyunwoo seems completely flabbergasted by Kihyun’s response and Jooheon knows his own expression mirrors it. He also knows that he needs to do some damage control and he tries, he does, but it’s completely unsuccessful as he interjects. 

“We’re in a hurry, hyung. Don’t worry, I promise I won’t let him steal your glasses but uh… It might be a good idea to hide them yourself for awhile, alright?” He tries gently, already starting to tug on Kihyun’s hand to go in the direction they were heading. It takes a moment to get the man to move from where he’s glaring at Hyunwoo but he succeeds. He succeeds and it feels like he can breathe again. 

Kihyun takes the lead from there and he falls quiet as he’s guided into what he knows is Hoseok and Hyungwon’s bedroom. He doesn’t say anything about the fact that Hyungwon will kill them if he finds out and just lets his ex usher him into the room instead. The door gets closed, then _locked_ , and Jooheon lets all his questions die in his throat because he literally has no clue what is going on. It’s certainly frustrating being tugged around like a doll and he does want to throw a fit but something in him knows that it wouldn’t be a good idea. He needs to wait until Kihyun explains himself and then he can figure out what he needs to do after that. 

It’s just… He’s really impatient and he’s sorta getting really upset the more the silence is settling in. He doesn’t know what Kihyun wants and he’s starting to tell himself that he doesn’t care. He and Kihyun aren’t dating. They’re not even friends because _Kihyun didn’t even tell him that he was back yet_. So what the fuck is this? Why should he feel like a kicked puppy following its upset owner around? They’re not together anymore and Jooheon lets that sudden hurt the reminder brings build a fire in his chest. He lets the quiet settle in between them for twenty seconds- _it’s really only ten because of his impatience_ -and then finally gets it all off his chest.

“What are you doing?” He starts off first, tone flat as he lifts his gaze from the floor to finally look at Kihyun. Big mistake. _Big fucking mistake_. He’s still so handsome and it’s not fair. It’s not fair that he looks so good while Jooheon knows he looks terrible and feels terrible. _Fuck_ , what is he _doing_? He tugs on his hand firmly to pull it out of Kihyun’s grasp but the man doesn’t let him do it. He tightens his hold instead, expression hardening for just a split second until it must dawn on him that he’s being an utter dick. His hand is free a moment later and Jooheon promises himself that he doesn’t miss it. It's a lie because he totally does. He just doesn’t ask Kihyun to hold his hand again. He knows better and he really shouldn’t be indulging himself right now. He’s not drunk, not even _tipsy_ , enough to use as an excuse if they ever talk about this. Which they aren’t because Kihyun _still_ isn’t answering him and, okay, this feels way too familiar. He’s not ready for this. He’s really not ready for this.

“What are you doing, Kihyun?” Jooheon asks again as he stares the other man down. He’s going to give him a minute, just enough time to _say_ something before he decides to leave or start shouting. He really doesn’t want to fight. He doesn’t even want to _talk_ but Kihyun dragged him here for a reason. So if Kihyun doesn’t start explain-

“I don’t know.” Are the first few words he gets out of the man that are actually directed at _him_. He feels lost, _deflated_ even, when they process in his mind. He tries to tell himself its not disappointment welling up inside of him but it is and it burns the more it grows. He can feel a lump forming in his throat but he quickly clears it with a cough and shake of his head. It doesn’t make him feel any better but it’s enough to get him to finish this. 

“If you don’t know then I’m going back,” he speaks firmly, turning away to start unlocking the door so he can get out. He’s not going to sit in a room with Kihyun just waiting for the man to decide what he wants. He’s not going to let himself hurt again for something he clearly isn’t over yet. He’ll drink his worries away and let Minhyuk or Changkyun drag him home when it’s time to go. It’s the healthiest way for him to cope so he’ll totally be fine. 

_And then Kihyun chooses to disrupt that plan right off the bat._

Which he really should’ve seen coming, but he starts talking and everything in him stops working. It’s almost like his feet have been glued to the ground and his body has suddenly disconnected from his brain. Just three words and one look of utter turmoil and desperation has him completely trapped. Of course, anyone would be with those three words. The three words. Just a simple pleading of,

_“Please don’t go.”_

The words strike right through his core being and there’s this weird burning in his eyes. He tells himself that he’s just frustrated and upset and he cries when he feels helpless and it’s okay. He’s not crying because he wished that Kihyun would say that to him nine months ago or because he wished that _he_ had said it when his ex proposed breaking up. He’s not going to cry about a relationship he’s finished mourning over. He isn’t. He lets himself turn that frustration into anger as he turns to look at the other man, his shoulders squared as though they present a line of defense against whatever else Kihyun might say to batter down his shoddily built walls. He wants to shout, he really _really_ wants to, but he doesn’t. He lets the other say what he needs to say because once they get it out in the open then he can move on. He can go back to the party and then he can leave so he doesn’t have to think about Yoo Kihyun ever again.

“I know I don’t have any right to talk to you now. I know I’m being selfish but I just wanted… I wanted to talk to you alone. Just for a little bit.” Kihyun explains, taking one step forward as if he means to reach out to him. He takes a step back because he knows down to the very depths of his soul that he would fall into Kihyun if the man opened his arms asking him to. He would do anything for the other man, even now after all this time. It’s sad to know that he’s still hung up on his ex but all Jooheon feels now is numbness. He can feel himself slowly shutting down as a way to protect himself because this isn’t going to end well. It hurts. It hurts because his hope is starting to rise bit by bit like a sapling in his chest. It’s starting to _grow_ and he knows better. 

He knows because he already learned this lesson. 

He no longer going to allow himself to hope for things he doesn’t deserve. He _learned_ that lesson and he’s not going to let himself forget it ever again.. 

Regardless of the fact that Kihyun had always encouraged his optimism or not. Jooheon isn’t going to play the fool anymore. He’s not going to give in anymore. He’s not going to let Kihyun in again. He looks up at the other man, eyes wet and expression firm because he’s ready for war. He’s ready to hurl hurtful words at the other man just so he can escape and be free. He’s ready to protect himself because he’s terrified of whatever Kihyun is going to say. He’s terrified because just being in the same room as the man is giving him so much _hope_ that he’s practically suffocating. So he stares the man down, practically glares, and he knows Kihyun doesn’t deserve it but he tells himself he doesn't _care_. He doesn’t. He never has. He never will. He lies to himself over and over until he feels like he can believe it. Until he feels like he won’t spill his heart out between them and Kihyun that he still lov-

“Jooheon, please don’t look at me like that. _Please_. You don’t know how sorry I am for the way things ended. You don’t know how badly I wanted to stay and hold you.” Kihyun says with a desperate look on his face as he takes another step closer. He takes a step back in response. It hurts.

“I never wanted to hurt you. I would never want to ever hurt you, Jooheon.” Another step and he’s running out of space between them. It hurts.

“Please, Jooheon… I am sorry. I am so sorry for all the pain I caused you. I’ve regretted it ever since I left and I don’t think I’ll ever stop regretting it.” There’s another step in his direction. His back is against the door now and there isn’t anywhere for him to hide. It hurts.

“I don’t think I ever stopped loving you and I’m sorry. I know that isn’t fair for me to say but I needed to tell you. I needed to tell you how much I missed you while I was gone because there wasn’t a day that went by where I didn’t think of you. There wasn’t a day where I didn’t look at the space next to me in bed and wish you were there. I missed your smiles, your pouting and whining, I missed the way you would fall asleep against me while watching movies.” Kihyun finishes, stopping just mere inches away from him as he looks up directly into his eyes. It hurts.

Jooheon can’t breathe or think or even speak because he’s so caught off guard. He’s completely shattered by the man’s admission and it hurts. It hurts because he wants to believe it so bad but all he can do is bite down on his lower lip and try to hold his tears in. He completely fails and soon he’s releasing a choked noise that has Kihyun immediately moving to hold him. Familiar arms wrap around his waist and he’s practically shaking as he returns the embrace by locking his arms over the man’s shoulders and neck. All he feels is utter anguish from the familiar hold but he doesn’t want to let go. He just wants to stay here in Kihyun’s arms and act like the last nine months never happened because he missed him. He missed Kihyun so much and being held like this is like opening an old mistreated wound. The longer they stand there, the more it burns and he’s just adding onto the pain at this point. He’s taking the salt and scrubbing it into the wound like that might help him heal. _It hurts._

_It hurts so fucking much_. 

Sucking in a weak stuttering breath, Jooheon turns his face into Kihyun’s so he can rest his cheek against the man’s and looks up to blink the tears away. It’s another failure for him to add to his ever growing list. Just another reason for why he shouldn’t think he can have this or accept what Kihyun is saying. He doesn’t deserve this. He doesn’t but he wishes that he did. He wishes that he had been a better boyfriend, a better person-he wishes that he was _perfect_ in the same way Kihyun is. He wishes and wishes and wishes but none of them are ever granted. He could pay a hundred times over and never get what he wants because people like him don't just get happy ever afters. People like him don't deserve to be loved.

He doesn’t say any of this to Kihyun. He doesn’t want to admit to something they both know so he just breathes unsteadily through his nose and lets the other man hold him. He lets himself be greedy a bit longer and soaks in the warmth like a lizard in the sun. This is the closure their relationship needed and he knows that once Kihyun finishes saying what he needs to say then… Then they'll both go their separate ways and Jooheon will restart the five stages of grief. He'll get over it, he'll move on, and he might get another pair of cats to help with that. He'll just fill that void in his chest with more fur and treats until its bursting. He's an adult. 

He'll get over it. 

He'll be okay. 

He presses his face into Kihyun's neck and practically wails. It's disgusting how much he heaves and shudders with his sobbing but he can't help himself. He can't stop the way it wracks his body and leaves him a broken weak mess by the end of it. And Kihyun makes it worse because he holds him through it. He holds him and murmurs softly into his ear that _its okay_. He sinks into Kihyun's delicate tone like it's the softest blanket he's ever touched and let's it soothe him into complacency. His crying starts to ebb off and at some point, Kihyun guides him over to the bed so they can sit down. He's sitting over the man's lap while hiccuping through the last of his tears and Kihyun is still being so gentle with him. As if he's the most precious thing he's ever held in his grasp before. It makes his heart squeeze painfully in his chest and a whimper escape through his soul. It's too much for him to deal with so he looks down at his hands and where they're curled into the fabric against Kihyun's shoulders. He should let go and he should get off the man's lap. 

He tightens his grip instead and just breathes through the hiccups. He doesn't think he can talk right now and he doesn't want to try. Talking might break whatever is going on between them and Jooheon wants to be selfish a little bit longer. He knows it will hurt him more in the long run but he can handle it. He's an adult and he's resilient and he's done fine without Kihyun these last nine months. He tells himself that he can do it again as he leans forward to rest his forehead against his ex lover's shoulder. 

He just doesn't tell himself that it's another set of lies.


	3. Chapter 3

The first thing that crosses Jooheon’s mind is just how much his head hurts. He feels like he's been hit by a train and his eyes feel like shit. No only that, but one small attempt to rub the sleep from them has him hissing and turning away instantly. He has no doubt in his mind that they're swollen and puffy but he's struggling to remember _why_. He tries to think about what he did last night but is met with nothing but hazy feelings and even more exhaustion. He can only see bits and pieces, can remember soft hands holding him and lips pressing against his cheeks but- _wait_.

Did he go home with someone?

Regret sits heavy in the pit of his stomach as he forces himself to sit up and truly _think_ about last night. The action itself is enough to wake him up more, bringing in a newfound awareness with it as he drops his hands into his lap and looks around the room. He knows immediately that he's not at his apartment with Changkyun and that alone makes him nervous. The awareness keeps filtering in and soon Jooheon is beginning to pick everything out that’s so _wrong_ about the situation. Such as the fact that he's not wearing the jeans Minhyuk forced him into anymore and that he somehow put on an incredibly soft beige sweater. A sweater that he doesn’t own. A sweater that is honestly probably one of the softest things he’s ever felt in his entire life. It makes him focus on the oddity of the situation even more because _he's way too comfortable_ and _way too warm_ to be at some stranger's house. Problem is the fact that he doesn't recognize the room he's in. Try as he might, he just doesn't recognize anything after Kihyun-oh. _Oh_.

**Fuck.**

And just like that; everything seems to slide right back into place like a puzzle. The events of the previous night are revealed to him and he can do nothing more than grab his head and remind himself that he's an idiot. He's a goddamn idiot and he should never have let himself wander back into Kihyun's gravitational pull. He has no excuse for his actions because he wasn’t even drunk last night. Hadn’t even had a single shot and he _still_ fucked up somehow. Which isn’t surprising really but he definitely expected more from sober him. Drunk him could be forgiven for his actions but _sober_ him is so fucking _stupid_ that he’s finally lost all faith in himself. All Kihyun had to do was show up. That’s it. The man just needed to make an appearance and Jooheon would do all the damage on his own like an _idiot_. 

He groans audibly at the reminder, his hands curling into his messy hair before he promptly tugs on the tangled strands until his scalp stings. He’s not awake enough to deal with this mess. He’s not awake enough to deal with the way his heart is clenching in his chest. He can just _feel_ how it's starting to crumble and he doesn’t have the energy or strength to handle a breakdown. Yet all Jooheon wants to do is cry because _how fucking **dumb** is he for doing this to himself?_

He doesn't get the opportunity to spiral any further into self loathing as Kihyun’s footsteps approach the door. Panic flares in his mind but, before he has the chance to play dead, Kihyun is peeking his head around the corner to check on him. He’s suddenly reminded of just how outrageously pretty the older man is in the few seconds it takes for the man's eyes to widen and his lips to part. It's incredibly unfair. It's even _wrong_ , but Yoo Kihyun is still as gorgeous as he remembers-even with his barely contained bedhead and mismatched pjs. It hurts to see how perfect he is all over again and… And he’s just as beautiful as before. Jooheon feels so uncomfortably sick with this knowledge that he feels like he’s on the verge of throwing up. It’s gross and he knows it’s just the anxiety sitting heavy and cold in his empty stomach but his brain decides that’s enough to fuck over his whole body.

“Did I wake you up?” Kihyun speaks up from where he’s fully opening the door with a fond but surprised expression on his face. No doubt because Kihyun didn’t expect to see him awake yet. When they were dating, it was normal for him to sleep in until-no. He's not going to let himself go there. He's going to stay as far away from that as possible. He's messed up enough already and he doesn't need to make it worse for himself. It not like he’s going to stay very long either. He Just needs figure out where his clothes are so he can do his little walk of shame out of Kihyun’s apartment and never see the man again. Dragging his hand down his face, he finally looks back up at his ex and tries to blink the lingering grogginess from his eyes. 

“You didn't wake me up, hyung.” He murmurs, voice rasping slightly with his sleepiness. “Are you sure? I was trying to be as quiet as possible so you could sleep in a bit longer.” Jooheon conveniently ignores how sweet that is and just focuses instead on the way Kihyun is speaking. He can hear that familiar mild speech impediment that causes a ‘th’ noise to come out on every word in involving an ‘s’ sound. It somehow warms his heart that it's still there and his stomach flutters with pesky butterflies because of it. He tries to tell himself it’s indigestion and not because he missed it. It’s clearly a lie but he doesn’t call himself out for it because Kihyun is walking into the room and he looks so good. 

There’s a smile tugging the corners of his ex's lips up into a bright grin and Jooheon doesn't melt. _He doesn't._ Except he does and soon he's smiling back like the lovesick idiot he is. His dimples are peeking through and it must do something for Kihyun, though he doesn't know why, because soon the man is coming close to him to cradle his face in his hands and kiss him on the forehead. His breath leaves his lungs in one sharp whoosh of air and his heart stutters on its next beat. He's so thankful that Kihyun can't hear it because he really doesn't want to explain himself right now. He doesn't even want to talk because he knows he'll fuck this up. So he just stares up at Kihyun and Kihyun smiles at him as he pulls away. 

“Breakfast is almost done. Do you want me to get some coffee for you?” His ex asks him, popping whatever bubble they were in. He clears his throat and moves up to stand, tugging at the hem of the sweater that Kihyun no doubt put him in to keep him warm. He tries not to think about the fact that the man might have undressed him and just starts following him out of the room instead. He definitely knows he’s not ready to think about that just yet. He saves the thought in the back of his mind, pins it somewhere in his brain, and tells himself that he’ll address it when he’s home alone. Not while he's standing in a pair of the warmest sweats he’s ever worn or the comfiest sweater he’s ever touched. He stands, drags his fingers through his hair and just stumbles ungracefully after Kihyun because there’s not much more he can do. 

“Yeah, that uh… That'd be great, hyung. Do you know where-do you know where my clothes are by any chance?” he asks hesitantly, ducking his head slightly in embarrassment as his ears start to burn red. Kihyun just laughs and wraps his arm around him, bringing him close enough to kiss his temple. His heart drops into the pit of his stomach before rocketing right up into his throat. He can't speak much less even think now. He doesn't know what is going on or why Kihyun is being so affectionate. None of it makes sense and he doesn't know how to breach the subject. What would he even say if he tried? _Sorry but if you keep treating me like this then I'm going to cry?_ No. **No** way is he even addressing his feelings aloud. He's just going to suffer until he can politely excuse himself and go home and that will be that. 

_Case closed._

“Of course, baby. They're in the washer right now. They'll be done by the time you finish eating.”

**_Case reopened._ **

Jooheon stares at Kihyun's back as the man walks into what appears to be the kitchen. He makes no move to follow. Not that he can because his feet feel encased in gold and there's no way he can carry their weight right now. He's too full of hope and too heavy with disappointment to even contemplate that. So he stands there like a deer caught in headlights and waits for Kihyun to notice that he's not following him. He waits and waits and it takes a minute but soon the man is calling his name and looking over his shoulder. He's greeted with another smile and Kihyun-gorgeous, intelligent, kind, beautiful, _perfect_ Kihyun-seems to finally understand that something is wrong after he doesn't return it.

“Jooheon? Is everything okay? Do you have to go to work? Are you feeling sick?” The questions fire off one after the other as he leaves whatever is in the pan to burn. The man's approaching him now, hands gentle as they reach for his sides, his shoulders, and then his face. Jooheon tells himself that he can handle this. He's fine. He can do this. He can just tell Kihyun that he's _fine_ and give him two emojis or something. Like two thumbs up to make up for the fact that he's totally not fine. He's the furthest thing from fine because Kihyun called him _baby_. He called him _baby_ and kissed him and dressed him and spoke to him so gently and- _and he took care of him._ He took care of him like he used to and it hurts. 

It hurts so much that he can't _breathe_. 

“What is it, baby?” Kihyun asks, thumbs beginning to catch the tears slowly beginning to drip down his cheeks. “Did I say something wrong? Did I do something wrong?” His ex presses, crowding him so he can smooth the heartbreak on his face away. Jooheon opens his mouth to speak but all that comes out is a wheezing gasp of _I’m sorry._ He's pretty sure that its ineligible but he's sure Kihyun will be able to decipher it. He's certain the man can figure it out because that's all he can muster right now. He can’t give anything more of himself away because he’s barely keeping himself together. He’s splintering about like a toothpick and he honestly doesn’t know how he’s still standing. His whole world has collapsed in on itself and he’s right on the verge of crying harder because Kihyun is way too good for him. He’s way too caring and Jooheon doesn’t deserve the way he’s being held right now. He doesn’t deserve to have someone fawn over him like he’s a rare delicate piece of pottery. Yet Kihyun does and it’s _slowly_ killing him inside.

“Oh, baby… Come here. It’s okay, you didn’t do anything wrong. It’s me,” the man cooes, drawing Jooheon in again just like he did last night. Just like he did years ago when they first started dating. Kihyun pulls him in, wraps himself around him like a safe cocoon, and shields him from all the negativity that is the world. Kihyun cradles him close and Jooheon just breathes through the comfort the man is giving him. He has no idea what the other man is trying to say. He doesn’t know how he can think it’s not his fault when it clearly is. He can’t even communicate with the man without crying or choking on his breaths. He’s a fucking mess but Kihyun is treating him like he isn’t. It’s hard. It’s so _hard_ because it just makes him start to think he’s not and then he’s lying to himself all over again. He’s letting himself _believe_ in more than what’s actually there. It’s really hard not to because Kihyun just makes it worse the more he talks.

“I should have told you more last night. I’m so sorry, Jooheon-ah. I got caught up in having you back with me and I thought you realized what I meant.” Kihyun murmurs gently as he kisses his cheeks, trying to soothe him through this new bout of heartbreak. He’s still not sure what Kihyun is trying to say but he just accepts the soft touches and affection because it’s really the only thing keeping him stable at the moment. Which isn’t saying much because he’s as far from okay as he can get but it’s nice. It’s really nice to have Kihyun doting over him again like he still loves him. Like he’s still the most precious thing in the entire world to him and _fuck_. He’s breaking apart like the floor has opened up and he’s falling again. 

The only difference is that Kihyun is right there to catch him this time. 

“It’s okay, baby... I’ve got you now. I’m not going anywhere, I promise. I love you so much, Jooheon. I’m not going anywhere, okay?” Kihyun murmurs against his skin as he presses a small kiss towards the corner of his mouth. His lungs shake and his heart lurches dangerously in his chest before it starts to fill with way too many emotions. He feels like it’s going to burst any second and he can’t stop himself from leaning into Kihyun and confessing everything going on in his mind.

“I still love you. _I still love you so much_ ,” he gasps against the man’s skin. He can barely speak, can barely get the words out through the way he’s hiccuping, but he forces himself through the struggle. He _needs_ Kihyun to know how he feels. “I didn’t want you to go but I didn’t want to hold you back. I just wanted to make you happy and I missed you so much.” He breathes, voice hitching at the end as his emotions bubble over again. He tries to apologize but the man isn’t having it. He gets shushed before he can even get the last words out and he doesn’t even get upset at being interrupted. He doesn’t care because Kihyun keeps kissing his cheeks and telling him that he knows. He keeps telling him that he missed him and Jooheon just feels _so good_ hearing it. 

It does little to stop him from crying but that’s because he’s no longer crying because of an aching heart. The tears have started pouring from happiness and his expression has slowly shifted into a happier one. He’s starting to smile and Kihyun is doing the same and it’s just _nice_ to be like this with the man again. It’s nice to have the man kissing the corner of his mouth in an attempt to make him laugh. The affection he’s receiving causes endorphins to bubble up in his mind. He feels happiness and excitement surging through him and it leads him into crashing their mouths together for a real kiss. 

It’s sloppy and wet and Jooheon is pretty disgustingly happy with himself for managing it. It’s not even the littlest bit comfortable but it’s okay because he’s so fucking _happy_. He’s practically beaming again and Kihyun keeps kissing him and it’s so good. So so _so good_. He feels like ten million heart emojis have just exploded from his chest. As if his walls have all crumbled down and a flood of raw adoration is washing away all of his pain. The agony of his heartbreak is gone and it… It feels amazing. It feels _right_ to have Kihyun's lips pressed against his. It's stupid and corny but it's like his soul has finally been cleansed, like his crops are watered and his face is free of acne. He feels good like this, he feels so so _so good_. And after they’ve pulled away from each other to _breathe_ , Jooheon realizes that he stopped crying at some point. He stopped crying and started smiling. 

“There you are, Jooheon-ah.” Kihyun smiles, cupping his dimpled cheeks before kissing his forehead. “I missed you so much. I regretted leaving you behind like that. I knew as soon as I started packing up my things that I was being an idiot. I just didn't want to make you wait for me. What if you found someone while I was gone? What if they were better than me?” Kihyun murmured, lips finding their way against his temple once more. Jooheon listens to the man speak and nearly scoffs. If anyone would have found anyone better, it wouldn’t have been him. Kihyun deserves far better than him anyway but that doesn't mean he's not going to cling onto the man. That doesn’t mean he’s going to let him go again. 

“I wouldn't have found anyone else, hyung. You were always the only one I wanted.” He answers as he moves to burrow his face in the shorter man’s shoulder. “You're always going to be the only one I want.” Jooheon continues as he feels careful fingers combing through his hair. They’re both smiling at each other now and it’s disgustingly sweet. If it were happening to anyone other than him, he would’ve been gagging and complaining about how ridiculously _in love_ they’re acting. Thankfully it is him experiencing it because now he doesn’t care. He really doesn’t fucking care at all. So what if he kisses Kihyun again? Or if he keeps laughing and smiling when Kihyun keeps calling him baby? He feels so fucking _amazing_ that nothing could possibly stop him. Nothing, not even- ** _beep, beep, beep._**

“Kihyunnie, the _food_ ”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is it. There will be no more updates to this fic. At least, there will be no more unless I get inspired to add onto it. 
> 
> For now, this is the end. I wanted to thank all the people that had commented on this fic because honestly... You guys were the ones that really helped me write this all. I wasn't confident in what I was putting out there and it made me feel so much better knowing that there was a small group of people that genuinely enjoyed this.
> 
> Thank you guys so much. Thank you for joining me on the journey that was this fic...  
> And who knows, maybe I'll be inspired to write more in the future. We'll see what happens!

**Author's Note:**

> This is part of a casual series that may, or may not, be linked together. I don't know what I'm doing so I'll just apologize in advance. I've never done any prompt fills, ship bingo, or 30 day challenges before but I saw one that I liked and I've been wanting to do a bunch on that list. Especially with rare pairs! _However, there is a slight **caveat.**_
> 
> All of these pairings will involve Jooheon because I don't feel like there's enough fics out there involving him and I'm greedy. That being said, every piece should able to be read on their own.
> 
> If you'd like to chat, you can find me on k-bbi.tumblr.com.


End file.
